The Traits That Defines Us Part Two

As a Melancholy and a Phlegmatic, it's no secret that I will be in my head a lot. It is like another world that I live in. I can be off somewhere daydreaming and relaxed like the typical Phlegmatic or, I can find myself reflecting deeply on certain matters. The melancholic mood brings upon pleasure and longing when a memory is recollected. These thoughts are inevitable and isn't a concern. It is my nature to behave this way with my temperament. The real threat is being in solitude too long and/or having any negative thoughts, bring me to a state of mind of falling somewhere so deep that getting out will be a rough battle. Something that a melancholic person can be a victim of.

Although I have gone through those states at times to a certain degree, I haven't allowed it to swallow me. I found ways to break out of it quickly enough. I know of the positives that I can bring myself back to and it's been easier once I understood myself a lot more.

So, if those thoughts are inevitable, how do I deal with it? I have come to a realization of how to handle this better in the past year and more so recently. It is to simply keep myself occupied. To have my mind be busy and led away from the wrong path. This reduces the time allowed for negative state of minds and gets me to work on my passions, strengths and gain new skills.

Being alone in my room for a long time slowly eats me up and makes me feel trapped in the confinement of the walls. I have to get out of there throughout my day and go out to do things. To the close friends that I lived with the past few years in university, the frequent times that I went out of our home alone during the past half year, it was to distract my mind away from it all. In doing this, I find myself expressing my creative mind with writing, learning more and getting the enjoyment from reading, venturing to new places, or just having a nice walk outdoors.

Lastly, the Phlegmatic side of me expresses an easy-going and calm attitude. Anyone I know well enough who catches me or I happen to stumble upon, will usually get a quirky greeting with a welcoming smile. Those that hang out with me should notice that usually I will be smiling a lot, listening and drifting off. I'll say or do weird things to cause laughter to break the awkward tension or when I have too much attention on me.

I try and steer away from conflict as much as I can. I dislike the yelling and arguing from people I know. With conflicts between friends, the disturbance can lead to bad outcomes, especially when it calls upon me to react quickly. It can deter me from making rational decisions and make me do something that I will regret later. My apologies. On the other hand, going out you can run into some cocky assholes who like to cause trouble towards others. If they still don't fuck off when I tell them to and cross the line, then I will have to do something I don't like. Don't make me resort to do something like this:





  


On lighter note, my comfort level in staying in the middle ground of things, annoys my mother and sister when they seek my opinion, of which I can only laugh at, teasingly. 




Understanding myself better is opening up new opportunities for me. I'll continue to keep myself active to the things I like. Interesting stories will be written that I hope to share in the near future. I will embark on new adventures of activities for enjoyment and to meet fun individuals. My friends, I will find new pleasures in my life. To anyone that wants to and can understand and connect with me, you will get an enriching experience, see the mystery fun side of me that very few have of been exposed to, and witness a lot of sushi consumption!




 

The Traits That Defines Us Part One

Everyone has traits that they are born with that drives them to behave certain ways. Traits that influence how we view and react to situations and the world. Our temperament is what makes us the way we are and really can't be changed. Knowing the temperament of yourself and others establishes the foundation of identity but, understanding them will truly help bring out the good and positives amongst yourself and everyone else. Of the four temperaments, I am primarily a Melancholy with a blend of a Phlegmatic. The Four Temperaments by REV. CONRAD HOCK is a more in-depth analysis of the four and I do recommend reading it as I will only discuss the general bases of them.

The Four Temperaments

The Choleric

The Choleric is a person with strong-will and strong opinions. They are stubborn people who wants it their way. They see getting things done independently is better than getting aid from others. They are very confident and generally think more lowly of others. A person with passion but, one that shows little compassion. The choleric will feel deep pain when facing failure and humility. They hate to lose and will do everything they can to prove themselves. This person wants to have authority, is direct with a purpose, has a short temper, likes being active and is able to get work done.  The Choleric is an extroverted individual.

The Sanguine

The Sanguine are very people-oriented. They are entertaining to be around, easily excited and loves attention. Being by themselves is painful for them due to boredom and inability to be introspective. They act impulsively making irrational decisions and like to get involved in many activities that have a short lasting impression, which lacks depth. They don't have much discipline and that causes disorganization. Prone to instability, stemming from constant changes of emotions due to lost of interest and lack of persistence to a single enduring task. They make friends easily, expressing lots of optimism and compassion. The Sanguine is also an extrovert.

The Melancholy

The opposite of the Sanguine is the introspective Melancholy. It is the temperament that I associate the most with and will go more in-depth. This individual ponders about their future, present and lingers on and on of their past. The day is filled with thoughts that becomes reflections and are very deep. They search long and hard about the causes and meanings of things. They can be consumed by thoughts for a longing, by painful memories, from daydreams, and can easily get lost in their mind. These people can be very critical of themselves and others from setting high standards. With a more pessimistic attitude, they can set themselves to fall into despair when they don't achieve the success they want.

The Melancholy likes silence and solitude as they feel alienated in large crowds. Trust is not easily given to others and so, they prefer to only make a few friends that they really want to express themselves to. As reserved and quiet as they are, they actually want to express themselves to others but, they find difficulty in doing so as stated by REV. CONRAD HOCK,

He yearns often to express himself, because it affords him real relief, to confide the sad, depressing thoughts which burden his heart to a person who sympathizes with him. On the other hand, it requires great exertion on his part to manifest himself, and, when he does so, he goes about it so awkwardly that he does not feel satisfied and finds no rest. Such experiences tend to make the melancholic more reserved.

Being slow and awkward describes the Melancholy well. From thinking to communicating, it is at a slow pace. It takes time for them to speak and they usually prepare a lot beforehand in order to express what they truly want to say. Putting them at a spot to answer something will lead them to have trouble finding the right things to say, to stutter, and basically result in a discontent answer from them. They generally have a more serious view of the world, being very cautious and risk-averse. All aspects of something must be analyzed thoroughly before reaching a decision.

Melancholies are very sympathizing towards other peoples' troubles as problems of their own crosses their mind constantly. People who cause them repeated displeasure will be ingrained in them for a long time. Forgiveness is not given lightly. If you gained the trusts of a Melancholy, you will get a loyal, thoughtful, compassionate, and self-sacrificing companion. Lose their trusts, and you could lose them forever.

Lastly, Melancholies are likely to be gifted individuals with their inclination to creativity with art or musically. That combined with their persistence and deep passion that they have filled with emotions, can manufacture things unimaginable. The beauty in things are heightened and appreciated. They are perfectionists who are very organized, analytical, who pays great attention to details, and are very conscientious. Melancholies decorate the world with their wild imaginations and innovations.

The Phlegmatic

The last temperament that is secondary to me is the Phlegmatic, as I only match some of its characteristics. These are calm and very easy-going people. They have a lack of ambition and passion that causes them to be lazy. They can ignore and not allow outside disturbance to get to them, as they are quite unemotional. They value a life of routine, with calmness, free of stress, and avoid conflict as much as possible. They don't have strong opinions and so, they are usually mediators between arguments of others. However, this makes them very good listeners and observers. Like the Melancholies, the Phlegmatic are introverted people.
 

These are the four temperaments that people can fall under. Most will find that they are a mix of two, as I find myself being mostly the deep analytical Melancholy, while having the laid back attitude with little opinion, of the Phlegmatic. Knowing the positives and negatives of your temperament is crucial to achieving a comfortable and successful life. So, what is the temperament that defines you?

The Way We Express Ourselves

Difference in Expression

"You should do this more," one would say to me. "be like this, be more like so-and-so," or "do it like this," they would demand of me. Things that I've had directed at me in the past in regards to how I conveyed my thoughts, performed actions, and how I presented myself. Why some wanted to change how I express myself I never understood.

A previous manager I worked with would annoy me with this. He would tell me; "Henry, you're fit and strong, but you gotta show it more. Stick your chest out more." Inducing his "way" of illustrating power in how I conduct my work in a clothing store and in general. I saw no reasoning in this. I'm not cocky so I don't want to present myself as a douche bag or that I'm a boisterous individual. My personality has grown and developed along side with me while my temperament is innate and unchangeable. A temperament of a melancholy and phlegmatic. A topic that I will talk about another time.

While I prefer to not be aggressive, I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. Don't push me to the point where I have to resort to do so. Some might see this as a means for them to intrude and assimilate. Do so and they'll meet resistance and get pushed back. Hack-and-slash me and trash talk all you want in the game of hockey, I won't back down. I'll make you my target. I'll battle you in front of the net and along the boards. Every shot you take I'll be there like a wall. I won't be intimidated. You'll meet the same resistance trying to change or belittle my demeanor with a calm yet strong "no". The same "no," spoken quietly by Rosa Parks. Something so simple, but so powerful.

I see now that he, like many others, deemed my reserved and calm attitude weren't fitting qualities to have. That being loud and attention-seeking was the way to be in this life. I've had this mentality thrown at me from time to time and what a load of crap it is. Those qualities do not equate to success nor superiority.

We are the way we are because that is how we are wired to be. There's no need to force your way onto us. Famous introverts like Michael Jordan or Kobe didn't have to change their personalities in order to win, Rosa Parks didn't have to to do what she did. From Ghandi to Steven Spielberg to Obama. They all did it their own way. Don't undervalue a more reserved personality filled with deep thought and reflection, you shouldn't try and change us. You have your own way of expressing yourselves and we have our own.
To do otherwise where we change how we are suppose to function and behave would mean lying to ourselves. To live a lie that will lead to failure. Bruce Lee said it best himself;

"Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it."

Being true to yourself is how I want to live. It is where I'll be more content with my life.